English Tongue Twisters

A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose! by Kitty Morrow

Elizabeth's birthday is on the third Thursday of this month.

Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.

Flash message!

Frogfeet, flippers, swimfins.

Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.

How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.

How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.

How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and wood chuck wood.

Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me. My mother's making me marry Mary Mac. Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me? Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?

Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".

Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.

She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?

The little red lorry went down Limuru road. Limuru (Lee-moo-roo) road is a the name of a road in Kenya.

Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze. That's what made these three free fleas sneeze. by Dr. Seuss (?)

Two tried and true tridents

rudder valve reversals the cause of some plane crashes

Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye. If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.

How many cans can a cannibal nibble if a cannibal can nibble cans? As many cans as a cannibal can nibble if a cannibal can nibble cans.

A twister of twists once twisted a twist; A twist that he twisted was a three-twisted twist; If in twisting a twist one twist should untwist, The untwisted twist would untwist the twist.

Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.

Four furious friends fought for the phone.

Plymouth sleuths thwart Luther's slithering.

Bobby Bippy bought a bat. Bobby Bippy bought a ball. With his bat Bob banged the ball Banged it bump against the wall But so boldly Bobby banged it That he burst his rubber ball "Boo!" cried Bobby Bad luck ball Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball Now to drown his many troubles Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles. from mid-Willamette Valley theater

Black background, brown background.

Why do you cry, Willy? Why do you cry? Why, Willy? Why, Willy? Why, Willy? Why?

Very well, very well, very well ...

Tie twine to three tree twigs.

Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.

Mairzy doats, and dozy doats, and liddalamzy divy. Akiddly divy too, wouldn't you?

Three short sword sheaths.

Caution: Wide Right Turns Seen on semi-tractor trailers

Rolling red wagons

Green glass globes glow greenly.

Robert Wayne Rutter

I stood sadly on the silver steps of Burgess's fish sauce shop, mimicking him hiccuping, and wildly welcoming him within.

When I was in Arkansas I saw a saw that could outsaw any other saw I ever saw, saw. If you've got a saw that can outsaw the saw I saw saw then I'd like to see your saw saw.

black back bat

The queen in green screamed.

How many berries could a bare berry carry, if a bare berry could carry berries? Well they can't carry berries (which could make you very wary) but a bare berry carried is more scary!

What did you have for breakfast? - rubber balls and liquor! What did you have for lunch? - rubber balls and liquor! What did you have for dinner? - rubber balls and liquor! - rubber balls and liquor!

Snap Crackel pop, Snap Crackel pop, Snap Crackel pop

Six slimy snails sailed silently.

I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.

Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.

Red Buick, blue Buick

Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much. by Matt Duchnowski

He threw three balls.

The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.

Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.

We're real rear wheels.

Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.

I wish to wash my Irish wristwatch.

Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.

On a lazy laser raiser lies a laser ray eraser.

Scissors sizzle, thistles sizzle.

Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.

How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?

He threw three free throws.

Fresh French fried fly fritters

Gig whip, gig whip, gig whip, ...

I was born on a pirate ship. Say it while holding your tongue.

2 Y's U R. 2 Y's U B. I C U R. 2 Y's 4 me!

Little Mike left his bike like Tike at Spike's.

Eddie edited it.

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread. Spread it thick, say it quick! Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread. Spread it thicker, say it quicker! Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread. Don't eat with your mouth full!

Wow, race winners really want red wine right away!

The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.

I'll chew and chew until my jaws drop.

Triple Dickle a strong drink

How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?

Supposed to be pistachio, supposed to be pistachio, supposed to be pistachio. by Diane Estep

Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.

Real rock wall, real rock wall, real rock wall

Argyle Gargoyle

Peggy Babcock personal name

If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts, buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.

Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.

Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds. by Pierre Abbat

Willie's really weary.

Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly! by Mistah Twistah, Tony Valuch

Out in the pasture the nature watcher watches the catcher. While the catcher watches the pitcher who pitches the balls. Whether the temperature's up or whether the temperature's down, the nature watcher, the catcher and the pitcher are always around. The pitcher pitches, the catcher catches and the watcher watches. So whether the temperature's rises or whether the temperature falls the nature watcher just watches the catcher who's watching the pitcher who's watching the balls.

Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.

John, where Peter had had "had had", had had "had"; "had had" had had his master's approval.

Excited executioner exercising his excising powers excessively.

Pail of ale aiding ailing Al's travails.

Double bubble gum, bubbles double.

If you can't can any candy can, how many candy cans can a candy canner can if he can can candy cans ?

Octopus ocular optics. and A cat snaps a rat's paxwax. by Pierre Abbat

This is the sixth zebra snoozing thoroughly.

Salty broccoli, salty broccoli, salty broccoli ....

I saw Esau kissing Kate. I saw Esau, he saw me, and she saw I saw Esau.

A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.

Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle sifters to sift.

I eat eel while you peel eel

Nothing is worth thousands of deaths.

Casual clothes are provisional for leisurely trips across Asia.

East Fife Four, Forfar Five An actual football result from the Scottish third division

Roy Wayne Roy Rogers Roy Rash personal names

Wunwun was a racehorse, Tutu was one too. Wunwun won one race, Tutu won one too.

It's not the cough that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you off in!

She said she should sit.

Mo mi mo me send me a toe, Me me mo mi get me a mole, Mo mi mo me send me a toe, Fe me mo mi get me a mole, Mister kister feet so sweet, Mister kister where will I eat !?

Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William? Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?

I wish you were a fish in my dish

She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in. An actor's vocal warmup for lips and tongue.

The big black bug bit the big black bear, but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!

Dust is a disk's worst enemy.

I see a sea down by the seashore. But which sea do you see down by the seashore?

She said she should sit!

Old Mr. Hunt had a cuddy punt Not a cuddy punt but a hunt punt cuddy.

As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.

Mommy made me eat my M&Ms.

I'm not the fig plucker, I'm the fig plucker's son, but I'll pluck your figs till the fig plucker comes.

A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed gradually giving gophers gooey guts.

Aluminum, linoleum, aluminum, linoleum, aluminum, linoleum

Thin grippy thick slippery.

There once was a two toed, she toad, tree toad, and a three toed, he toad, tree toad....

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick

The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

If you notice this notice, you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.

If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understandd and say "don't understand". how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?

She sees cheese.

Brent Spence Bridge Clay Wade Bailey Bridge places in Ohio

Chukotko-Kamchatkan pertaining to the Siberian people living in Kamchatka

There those thousand thinkers were thinking where did those other three thieves go through.

Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.

One smart fellow, he felt smart. Two smart fellows, they felt smart. Three smart fellows, they felt smart.

Seven sleazy shysters in sharkskin suits sold sheared sealskins to seasick sailors.

I would if I could! But I can't, so I won't!

What a to do to die today At a quarter or two to two. A terrible difficult thing to say But I harder thing still to do. The dragon will come at the beat of the drum With a rat-a-tat-tat a-tat-tat a-tat-to At a quarter or two to two today, At a quarter or two to two. From a college drama class

Love's a feeling you feel when you feel you're going to feel the feeling you've never felt before.

Silly sheep weep and sleep.

Truly rural, truly rural, truly rural, ...

A turbot's not a burbot, for a turbot's a butt, but a burbot's not.

I know a boy named Tate who dined with his girl at eight eight. I'm unable to state what Tate ate at eight eight or what Tate's tête à tête ate at eight eight.

I saw a saw in Arkansas, that would outsaw any saw I ever saw, and if you got a saw that will outsaw the saw I saw in Arkansas let me see your saw.

The seething sea ceaseth; thus the seething sea sufficeth us.

Real weird rear wheels by Michael Dworkin and Bill Harvey

I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.

A pessimistic pest exists amidst us.

Knife and a fork bottle and a cork that is the way you spell New York. Chicken in the car and the car can go, that is the way you spell Chicago.

Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.

Two to two to Toulouse?

Swatch watch

Dr. Johnson and Mr. Johnson, after great consideration, came to the conclusion that the Indian nation beyond the Indian Ocean is back in education because the chief occupation is cultivation.

Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood

I'm a saw cutter and I cut socks. I'm a saw cutter and I cut socks. I'm a saw cutter and I cut socks.

If coloured caterpillars could change their colours constantly could they keep their coloured coat coloured properly?

We won, we won, we won, we won, ...

Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday. by Julia Dicum

How much ground could a grounghog grind if a groundhog could grind ground?

How may saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws? by Jillian Goetz

As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate, the greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes, they're great! from Dr. Seuss's O Say Can You Say?

How much myrtle would a wood turtle hurdle if a wood turtle could hurdle myrtle? A wood turtle would hurdle as much myrtle as a wood turtle could hurdle if a wood turtle could hurdle myrtle.

Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.

Rattle your bottles in Rollocks' van.

A fly and flea flew into a flue, said the fly to the flea 'what shall we do?' 'let us fly' said the flea said the fly 'shall we flee' so they flew through a flaw in the flue.

How much dew does a dewdrop drop If dewdrops do drop dew? They do drop, they do As do dewdrops drop If dewdrops do drop dew.

If Kantie can tie a tie and untie a tie, why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie like Kantie can.

Bake big batches of bitter brown bread.

But she as far surpasseth Sycorax, As great'st does least. Caliban describing Miranda's beauty in "The Tempest", by William Shakespeare

Bake big batches of brown blueberry bread.

She sits in her slip and sips Schlitz.

Which wristwatch is a Swiss wristwatch?

Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.

Mummies make money.

Crush grapes, grapes crush, crush grapes.

An elephant was asphyxiated in the asphalt.

A black bloke's back brake-block broke.

This is a zither.

Fresh fried fish, Fish fresh fried, Fried fish fresh, Fish fried fresh.

There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminum pan.

Really leery, rarely Larry.

Big black bugs bleed blue black blood but baby black bugs bleed blue blood.

Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.

Her whole right hand really hurts. difficult in Brazil

Aluminum lineoleum, aluminum lineoleum, aluminum lineoleum

Come, come, Stay calm, stay calm, No need for alarm, It only hums, It doesn't harm.

Tie a knot, tie a knot. Tie a tight, tight knot. Tie a knot in the shape of a nought.

Red blood, green blood

I'm a sheet slitter. I slit sheets. I'm the sleekest sheet slitter that ever slit sheets.

Round the rugged rock, the ragged rascal ran.

Busy buzzing bumble bees.

A lump of red leather, a red leather lump

Nat the bat swat at Matt the gnat.

I shot the city sheriff. I shot the city sheriff. I shot the city sheriff.

A lady sees a pot-mender at work at his barrow in the street. "Are you copper-bottoming them, my man?" "No, I'm aluminiuming 'em, Mum"

I am not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son but I'll be plucking pheasants When the pheasant plucker's gone.

Suzie, Suzie, working in a shoeshine shop. All day long she sits and shines, all day long she shines and sits, and sits and shines, and shines and sits, and sits and shines, and shines and sits. Suzie, Suzie, working in a shoeshine shop. Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop. All day long he fits and tucks, all day long he tucks and fits, and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits, and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits. Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop. sung by Ian Mackintosh

Preshrunk silk shirts.

Craig Quinn's quick trip to Crabtree Creek.

Six shining cities, six shining cities, six shining cities.

While we were walking, we were watching window washers wash Washington's windows with warm washing water.

Peggy Babcock

A big black bear sat on a big black bug.

A bloke's bike back brake block broke.

Sweet sagacious Sally Sanders said she sure saw seven segregated seaplanes sailing swiftly southward Saturday.

Betty Botter bought some butter but she said the butter's bitter. If I put it in my batter it will make my batter bitter. So, she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter and she put it in her batter and her batter was not bitter. So 'twas good that Betty Botter bought some better butter.

How much dope could a woodchuck smoke if a woodchuck could smoke dope?

How much oil boil can a gum boil boil if a gum boil can boil oil?

Good blood, bad blood, good blood, bad blood, good blood, bad blood.

No nose knows like a gnome's nose knows. by the Hofman family

Freshly fried fresh flesh

There are two minutes difference from four to two to two to two, from two to two to two, too.

There once was a man who had a sister, his name was Mr. Fister. Mr. Fister's sister sold sea shells by the sea shore. Mr. Fister didn't sell sea shells, he sold silk sheets. Mr. Fister told his sister that he sold six silk sheets to six shieks. The sister of Mr. Fister said I sold six shells to six shieks too!

Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore. But if Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore then where are the sea shells Sally sells?

She stood by Burgess's fish sauce shop welcoming him in.

Swan swam over the sea. Swim, swan, swim! Swan swam back again. Well swum swan!

Sally is a sheet slitter, she slits sheets.

She sells sea shells on the sea shore; The shells that she sells are sea shells I'm sure. So if she sells sea shells on the sea shore, I'm sure that the shells are sea shore shells.

Tie twine to three tree twigs.

You know New York. You need New York. You know you need unique New York.

What noise annoys an oyster most? A noisy noise annoys an oyster most.

Ripe white wheat reapers reap ripe white wheat right.

Blake's black bike's back brake bracket block broke.

Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.

She slits the sheet she sits on.

A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.

A twister of twists once twisted a twist. and the twist that he twisted was a three twisted twist. now in twisting this twist, if a twist should untwist, would the twist that untwisted untwist the twists.

Red lolly, yellow lolly.

I am a mother pheasant plucker, I pluck mother pheasants. I am the best mother pheasant plucker, that ever plucked a mother pheasant!

Mrs Hunt had a country cut front in the front of her country cut pettycoat.

Knapsack strap.

Where Molly had had "had had", "had had" had had the teacher's approval.

Miss Smith's fish-sauce shop seldom sells shellfish.

Great gray goats

Whether the weather be fine or whether be not. Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot. We'll weather the weather whether we like it or not.

Sunshine city, sunshine city, sunshine city, ...

The batter with the butter is the batter that is better!

There's a sandwich on the sand which was sent by a sane witch.

How many yaks could a yak pack pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?

Twelve twins twirled twelve twigs.

One smart man, he felt smart. Two smart men, they both felt smart. Three smart men, they all felt smart.

If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker it is slick to stick a lock upon your stock or some joker who is slicker is going to trick you of your liquor if you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.

Clowns grow glowing crowns.

Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?

Sister Suzie sewing shirts for soldiers Such skill as sewing shirts Our shy young sister Suzie shows Some soldiers send epistles Say they'd rather sleep in thistles Than the saucy, soft short shirts for soldiers Sister Suzie sews.

Red leather, yellow leather, ...

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Announcement at Victoria Station, London: Two to two to Tooting too!

Richard's wretched ratchet wrench.

Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter's bitter. If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better. So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter, put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better. So 'twas better Betty Botter bought some better butter.

A box of biscuits, a box of mixed biscuits, and a biscuit mixer.

When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?

What a to do to die today at a minute or two to two. A terribly difficult thing to say and a harder thing to do. A dragon will come and beat his drum Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-too at a minute or two to two today. At a minute or two to two. Who is the author?

If two witches would watch two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

The soldier's shoulder surely hurts!

She sees seas slapping shores.

A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule. by Ray Weisling

Greek grapes.

Mr. See owned a saw and Mr Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See.

Six sick sea-serpents swam the seven seas.

There was a little witch which switched from Chichester to Ipswich.

She brews a proper cup of coffee in a copper coffee pot.

Never trouble about trouble until trouble troubles you!

Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the succesful thistle-sifter, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now, if Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the succesful thistle-sifter, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, see that thou, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust not three thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.

Shoe section, shoe section, shoe section, ...

A smart fella, a fella smart. It takes a smart fella to say a fella smart.

She is a thistle sifter. She has a seive of unsifted thistles and a seive of sifted thistles and the seive of unsifted thistles she sifts into the seive of sifted thistles because she is a thistle sifter.

Admidst the mists and coldest frosts, With stoutest wrists and loudest boasts, He thrusts his fists against the posts, And still insists he sees the ghosts.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he?

Blue glue gun, green glue gun.

Betty bought some butter, but the butter Betty bought was bitter, so Betty bought some better butter, and the better butter Betty bought was better than the bitter butter Betty bought before!

Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, ...

Mallory's hourly salary.

I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, and on that slitted sheet I sit.

Don't spring on the inner-spring this spring or there will be an offspring next spring.

A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned. So what could they do? Said the fly, "Let us flee". Said the flea, "Let us fly". So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

King Thistle stuck a thousand thistles in the thistle of his thumb. A thousand thistles King Thistle stuck in the thistle of his thumb. If King Thistle stuck a thousand thistles in the thistle of his thumb, How many thistles did King Thistle stick in the thistle of his thumb?

Five fat friars frying flat fish.

The bottle of perfume that Willy sent was highly displeasing to Millicent. Her thanks were so cold that they quarreled, I'm told o'er that silly scent Willy sent Millicent

Esau Wood sawed wood. All the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw. All the wood Wood saw, Esau sought to saw. One day Esau Wood's wood-saw would saw no wood. So Esau Wood sought a new wood-saw. The new wood-saw would saw wood. Oh, the wood Esau Wood would saw. Esau sought a saw that would saw wood as no other wood-saw would saw. And Esau found a saw that would saw as no other wood-saw would saw. And Esau Wood sawed wood.

Betty bought some bitter butter and it made her batter bitter, so Betty bought some better butter to make her bitter batter better.

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump thunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

I'm not the fig plucker, nor the fig pluckers' son, but I'll pluck figs Till the fig plucker comes.

Extinct insects' instincts, extant insects' instincts. by Pierre Abbat

The sixth sheik's sixth sheep 's sick.

Sweater weather, leather weather.

One black beetle bled only black blood, the other black beetle bled blue.

Six smart fellows felt smart.

The big black bug's blood ran blue.

I am not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's mate. I am only plucking pheasants 'cause the pheasant plucker's running late.

Ed Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, the shot was Shott, not Nott. However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott - but Nott. So, Ed Nott was shot and that's hot! Is it not?

We will learn why her lowly lone, worn yarn loom will rarely earn immoral money. by Ray Weisling

Unique New York, unique New York, unique New York, ...

If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer..... Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! You can't say this? What a shame, sir! We'll find you another game, sir. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your rom. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! from the Unix fortune database, attributed to DementDJ@ccip.perkin-elmer.com in the rec.humor.funny newsgroup

Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut Butter. Peter Pan Peanut is the peanut picky people pick.

Ray Rag ran across a rough road. Across a rough road Ray Rag ran. Where is the rough road Ray Rag ran across?

Elmer Arnold

A Tudor who tooted the flute tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, "Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt. Not a punt cut square, Just a square cut punt. It's round in the stern and blunt in the front. Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.

Tim, the thin twin tinsmith.

Thin sticks, thick bricks

Red lorry, yellow lorry.

A big black bug bit a big black bear and made the big black bear bleed blood.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wooodchuck could chuck wood? A woodchuck could chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Larry Hurley, a burly squirrel hurler, hurled a furry squirrel through a curly grill.

Six twin screwed steel steam cruisers.

A nurse anesthetist unearthed a nest.

How much sh*t can a sh*t slinger sling If a sh*t slinger could sling sh*t? He'd sling as much sh*t as a sh*t slinger could If a sh*t slinger could sling sh*t!

I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

She sells sea shells on the seashore. The seashells she sells are seashells she is sure.

From the programmer's desk: She sells cshs by the C shore.

A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more!

Plain bun, plum bun, bun without plum.

There was a young man called Fisher who was fishing for fish in a fissure. Then a cod with a grin pulled the fisherman in. Now they're searching the fissure for Fisher.

Slick slim slippers sliding south.

The Leith police dismisseth us They thought we sought to stay; The Leith police dismisseth us They thought we'd stay all day. The Leith police dismisseth us, We both sighed sighs apiece; And the sighs that we sighed as we said goodbye Were the size of the Leith police.

Six stick shifts stuck shut.

Meter maid Mary married manly Matthew Marcus Mayo, a moody male mailman moving mostly metered mail.

The king would sing, about a ring that would go ding.

How much dough would Bob Dole dole if Bob Dole could dole dough? Bob Dole would dole as much dough as Bob Dole could dole, if Bob Dole could dole dough.

People pledging plenty of pennies.

Mares eat oats and does eat oats, but little lambs eat ivy. From a pre-war English music-hall song.

To begin to toboggan first, buy a toboggan. But do not buy too big a toboggan! Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.

Courtney Dworkin personal name

Switch watch, wrist watch.

Six thick thistle sticks.

Black bug's blood

Moses supposes his toes are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously, for nobody's toes are posies of roses, as Moses supposes his toes to be.

Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously. For Moses, he knowses his toeses aren't roses, as Moses supposes his toeses to be. Donald O'Connor and Gene Kelly in "Singing in the rain"

I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am.

She sells seashells on the seashore. The seashells she sells are seashore seashells.

Irish wristwatch

She had shoulder surgery.

To put a pipe in byte mode, type PIPE_TYPE_BYTE. from the Visual C++ help file.

Three Tree Turtles Three tree turtles took turns talking tongue twisters. If three tree turtles took turns talking tongue twisters, where's the twisters the three tree turtles talked?

My Friend Gladys Oh, the sadness of her sadness when she's sad. Oh, the gladness of her gladness when she's glad. But the sadness of her sadness, and the gladness of her gladness, Are nothing like her madness when she's mad!

I would if I could, and if I couldn't, how could I? You couldn't, unless you could, could you?

real rear wheel

Give me the gift of a grip top sock: a drip-drape, ship-shape tip-top sock. from a college acting class

The cow flys at midnight ... while holding a wooden spoon.

National Sheepshire Sheep Association

The crow flew over the river with a lump of raw liver.

Compilation by Michael Reck
Bahnhofstrasse 26a, A-6170 Zirl, Austria.